My Worst Fears

Note: This is from my life its non-fictional auto biography, Since my real Diary from the time are actually long gone I had to piece together my memories of the events for those 2 days.

Thursday June 2nd, 1994
7:43am: Tanya rudely awakened me today for pancake surprise breakfast; today the surprise was strawberries her favorite I have to go now and get her bath running.
8:00am: As usual, she wanted bubbles and took her favorite boats into the tub with her. I washed her up quickly and then got ready for work while she played; I laid out her favorite outfit she loves to wear while visiting Granma, Light blue skirt, with a white top decorated in blue, pink and bright red flowers. Some socks, panties and matching shoes. I have to go help her dry off and get dressed.
8:53am: I did her hair up in pigtails not her favorite hairstyle but I do not know how to braid yet. I'm sure my mom will braid it for her she loves her grand daughter allot and will do anything the child asks, Sometimes I wonder if I'm letting mom spoil her too much.
4:53pm: We spent rest of the morning watching cartoons and giggling at “Tom and Jerry” “The Flintstones” and “The Jetsons” At 1pm I made us some grilled cheese sandwiches and a scoop of ice cream as is tradition for us to eat on Thursdays. After lunch she went next door and played with some of her friends, she had fun and told me about how at their tea party Mr. Bumbles (her friend favorite brown teddy bear) was silly and spilt tea on himself. Well I am off to work now, I have to drive her to Granma’s still, that’s a 30 min drive, and I have to be at work by 7pm.
7:25pm: I'm at the hospital, I was less than a half hour from work when my mom called my cell and told me Tanya had fallen off the back porch and was on her way to the hospital with at least a cracked skull. Since I work in the city and mom lives in the country I got to the ER in a few min and had to wait for what seemed like eternity for the ambulance to get here, I filled out all the pertinent paperwork between tears and emotional breakdowns while I waited. I only got to see her briefly as they took her inside and wheeled her off to a room. I am scared the doctors have not told me anything except they will do what they can.
8:40pm: Mom and I have been here for over an hour now and we keep crying, I think I will lose it if she dies; she is the one happy thing in this world that keeps me from wanting to suicide since her mother died 3 years ago. When I called work and told them I couldn't make it because Tanya was in the emergency room they threatened to fire me for such short notice I told them don't bother my daughter is more important than work and quit.
11:05pm: Going on 4 hours now the doctors finally came out and told us they did the best they could that she is in a coma and should pull thru it, I’m allowed to go and sleep with her tonight and asked me if I wanted another bed rolled into the room of course I said yes.

Friday June 3rd, 1994
6:12am: I have been sitting up all night worrying about my baby. My poor baby, she had just stopped chemo last year, her heart hasn't shown any signs of further break down since the day she was born, and doctors are hopeful now that the Leukemia is gone she can live a normal disease free life and this has to happen. She is still unconscious; if it wasn't for the machine I’d swear she was dead. I have held her little hand almost all night hoping for some sign that she will be ok, just a little squeeze. Please God let her squeeze my hand.


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