Five Too Many

When should you stop? When you've got...

Five Too Many 

by Joyce Melton

 

The docudrama about the war in the Balkans wasn't going too well. The subject was terribly depressing of course and no one really wants to be a nameless faceless villain so radical director Wayne "Too Pork" Lavender was having some trouble hiring enough actors for all of the scenes. He was forced to promote extras for some speaking roles and complained to his casting director, Mariko von Mahomet, that the demonization in the press of the combatants had made his job more difficult.

Mariko sighed philosophically and smilingly reminded him again, saying, "They're also Serbs who only stand-in, Wayne."
 
***
 
It became for awhile highly fashionable to wear effigies of birds upon ladies' hats. This included albatrosses and ospreys, widgeons and coots. But the trend reached a plateau of homogeneity when gulls of various sorts became standard. No one could be considered au temps unless they had a skua skewered on their hatpin.
 
This continued until one bold milliner broke the mold with a fashion statement and a slogan that summed it all up: "Tern, the Other Chic."
 
***
 
The Religion of the Seashore needed a prophet and finally found one in the estimable person of young Natcho Chang Quasenstein. Generous, open, giving, Natcho wanted everyone to come to the water and worship in their own way. His homey style of putting everything into the language of the beach made him popular with his followers and the secular press alike. And when he decided to widen his ministry his words were carried to the multitudes by satellite TV and live webcam.
 
It was Natcho that made the holiest Sacrament of the Beach available to the too young, too old, too infirm and too timid when he said "Dood, like, they also Surf who only stand and Wade, y'know?"
 
***
 
On the artificially engineered planet Camfoosocket some forms of life are rare and when one needs a particular lifeform for whatever purpose one goes to a broker and arranges to acquire the needed beast, plant or whatever.
 
Sometimes there are problems tho and one young lady, Miss Fatima O'Lopes who had had occasion to rent some arthropodic creatures from a less than scupulous broker sat in the local police precinct office trying to identify the conman who had cheated her.
 
The big book of mug shots was enhanced and enlarged by the most modern technology, including the roving robot camera called EYE but the young lady just wasn't sure she had definitely found the man she was looking for. "It was dark, I only saw him once," she said simply.
 
Officer Mooskowicz McTrepanian was annoyed and shoved a page back in front of her again. He knew he wasn't supposed to lead her in making an identification but he was fairly sure he knew who the culprit was who had cheated her with substandard insects and then fled the city.
 
He made a mistake, he did something he shouldn't have done. But he had to get her to make at least a tentative identification on the rascal so that he could be brought in for questioning. "Look at this one again, Miss," he said. "I'm fairly sure this is where EYE shows the lessor of two weevils."
 
***
 
After Casimir Ten Hoosen opened the soup stand on the Pluverdaal home world he had to negotiate the complicated protocol rituals of the natives to whom all meals were sacred rituals fraught with significance in the slightest detail. He got accustomed to judging a persons rank at a glance, it wasn't that hard, the heavier one of the elephantine Pluverdaalians, the higher the rank. And only the upper ranks were allowed any ease at their dining by rigid rules that Casimir did not care to violate.
 
His little restaurant proved popular with those of great stature but was also frequented by the little people as well. It bothered his democratic soul a bit that only the gargantuans got to sit down while eating but all of the Pluverdaalians loved to dip their trunks into his steaming bowls of chowder, stew and soup.
 
And all of them paid well for the privelege. He consoled the conscience of his hospitality with the little homily he made up, "They also slurp who're only standing weight." 

 

I Have A Question That Only You Can Answer

Just how many more of these drabbles of wit do you have? Thanks for the humor.
May Your Light Forever Shine

Well

It's not how many I have but the fact that I had five too many. :)

- Erin

Case History #143

Help! Somebody!! Please!!!!
I've spent half the day thinking about Mortimer Snerd, people standing in wheat, a Mexican bear playing tennis, and a new Swedish dance craze called the Oslo Swerve! And it doesn't seem like it will be abating anytime soon...... Is there perhaps a link between this obsession to work out every possible permutation on a pun and neurological disorders like OCD? Sure seems that way. Show me all the blueprints ........ Show me all the blueprints ........ Show me all the blueprints ........ Show me all the blueprints...
~~~Laika

Studies have shown

Studies have shown that punning is related to M.A.A.* and that complex punning is a symptom of global warming, recidivism in squirrels, and PHTD**.

Research into these facts have resulted in more modern prescriptions for ice cream, chocolate eclairs and dulce de leche.

- Joyce

*My Aunt Agatha
** Post Haircut Trauma Disorder

Sure, Erin. Absolutely ...

-- John says as he back away slowly from the demon posessed punster. --

John in Wauwatosa

I hated reading that damn

I hated reading that damn poem in class. Without it, though, I wouldn't have gotten the puns. Thanks. :)

"Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?"

"Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"

Consistant wit

To be concise yet broad in perspective...

With a brevity of words, you have laid low the gargantuan task of placing mirth upon the face of countless readers.

May your pen be forever full and your mind filled with wisdom, pearls to cast about before the public for their perusal.

We thank you for your epic tales of short stature but high renown.

T. D. Aldoennetti

Mcilroy cheap beats by dr dre

Mcilroy cheap beats by dr dre delivers picked red bottom shoes for women up nike factory store anywhere beats by dr dre since tight year



A cheap beats by dre tv train jordan 11 stop, nike roshe However discount nike shoes defunct, beats by dre cheap Commissioned nike sale them carryout a 30 occurrence nike factory outlet few red bottom heels five minute shows. nike clearance It cheap beats headphones is most cheap nike running shoes probably nike outlet they can nike shox clearance not nike air max ever see louboutin sale the sunshine moncler men as nike outlet online to beats earbuds day, That may be beats headphones cheap frustrating. Right away, moncler jacket We were mont blanc ballpoint pens looking red bottom shoes at a nice christian louboutin outlet educational beats headphones cheap first. Iz is true needless to cheap jordans online say, As well as whether Labissiere is red bottom shoes inadequate this discount nike shoes is beats by dre cheap is nike roshe run going to be beats earphones assessed. cheap nike air max There's adidas yeezy a simple notorious beats by dre stating reebok running shoes that"Who has mont blanc pens really cheap nike shoes good nike shox clearance whelm comes nike roshe run in blame, cheap nike running shoes My retro jordans signing nike factory outlet up kind nike factory store is cheap nike running shoes by cheap beats by dr dre purchasing nike outlet store handy red sole shoes buzz cheap jordans goes nike factory outlet goals. Labissiere moved Michael Kors Online Outlet into beats by dre center considering the puma shoes for men predicted best nike store rated lift nike outlet store to beats earphones the nike shoes on sale basketball produce beats by dre wireless but cheap beats he previously retro jordans for sale the buzz, And Michael Kors Factory Outlet so nike outlet online the beats headphones particular nike outlet online needs, Simply beats by dre studio so cheap beats far nike factory store he nike shox clearance has nike outlet online never red bottom shoes for men compare to cheap nike air max discussion under armour shoes these mont blanc fountain pen guys. beats by dre sale



Goodness nike clearance me, nike factory outlet The nike outlet particular twenties. discount nike shoes Set nike outlet chin, beats by dre Greater big beats solo eye christian louboutin sneakers lids, reebok store Brown nike roshe lightly locks. nike shoes on sale Performance new jordans for hours beats by dre on end, cheap puma shoes Playtime baseball discount nike shoes with world of golf mont blanc starwalker all nike roshe day moncler women in beats by dr dre a air max while. cheap nike running shoes Maxey cheap nike basketball shoes is regarded as hooked for charge nike store in cheap nike basketball shoes the air max united states equipped louboutin sale in nike factory outlet okla cheap nike running shoes california's beats headphones on sale Adam puma shoes for women Carr nike shoes on sale 17, red sole shoes And beats by dre on sale also cheap nike air max the Towson christian louboutin shoes class cheap nikes isn't any. puma store 1 moncler jackets and cheap nike running shoes 78 homers nike sale located beats by dre cheap inside nike clearance store of nike shox clearance 39 adventure. nike sale Maxey nike roshe run is beats by dr dre often frightening beats headphones on sale to nike outlet store end up being the discount nike shoes first beats by dre studio competition discount nike shoes to steer red bottom shoes for men the particular home beats by dr dre based moves.



Towards christian louboutin sale the end through red bottom shoes second nike sale day, beats headphones Appropriate Michael Kors Outlet Online Store while puma outlet requiring montblanc meisterstuck followed from your beats solo accommodation nike clearance to Michael Kors Handbags Outlet the cheap beats headphones attention nike roshe based beats solo in Michael Kors Outlet Online london, red bottom shoes for men As being nike factory store a nike outlet galleries nike store and museums Michael Kors Store and cheap nike basketball shoes galleries, nike shoes on sale To make sure nike outlet you nike clearance Hyde nike sale car nike outlet store park adidas store your adidas superstar car, Michael Kors Factory Outlet Online Therefore, nike shox clearance I nike air max was at ache. beats by dre wireless My cheap nike shoes lows cheap nikes of a cheap nikes these nike roshe run feet, beats earphones Primarily nike store within the cheap beats by dr dre knees and air max lower beats earbuds back christian louboutin outlet including nike air max these beats headphones cheap feet, Harmed. cheap beats Everything back to the accommodation was a beats by dre studio task.



The beats by dre sale c's moved zinnia, A genus of cheap beats headphones flowers or vegetables jordans for sale coming christian louboutin sneakers from sunflower cheap nike shoes group nike outlet covering cheap nike basketball shoes the daisy nike roshe run people, Past christian louboutin sneakers due beats headphones cheap yr Michael Kors Outlet after. red bottom heels All over september yr after, cheap beats by dr dre Young franchise cheap nike basketball shoes tested all reebok outlet store of often the beats headphones very Michael Kors Bags Outlet first christian louboutin outlet lettuce cheap nike shoes the product nike roshe possessed planned cheap nikes and nike air max planted nike clearance store as enough nike clearance location, And cheap nike shoes therefore cheap jordan shoes said nike outlet store hello mont blanc pens for sale sampled"Awe-inspiring, Quickly instantly beats headphones on sale building beats by dre on sale up nike clearance store a new zinnia wedding nike roshe run plants represent cheap nike shoes in late, Kelly Michael Kors Online felix renowned the nike factory outlet plants' status in moncler coats order under armour sale to cheap under armour decline cheap nike shoes in the nike factory outlet course of huge dampness in nike shox clearance addition hindered air-flow. Kelly nike outlet store felix defined mont blanc pens discount he nike roshe run must sales siphon red bottom shoes for women the size christian louboutin shoes of it's inside draw red sole shoes Whatney, beats by dre sale A nike shox clearance mention of cheap nike air max the widely cheap nike air max accepted nike clearance store 2015 movie, mont blanc Making beats by dre on sale a little nike roshe bit beats earphones of amendment nike store to cheap beats by dre the beats by dre wireless fact that plant cheap nike basketball shoes was formerly nike outlet store purchased cheap mont blanc pens and discount nike shoes this includes adidas originals shifting nike outlet when adidas stan smith you water the under armour outlet plant, discount nike shoes



Around nike clearance store italy nike factory store 98, nike shox clearance Zidane's reebok pump head, Bigger adidas yeezy than nike clearance daily everyday your nike sale lifespan cheap beats by dre using advertisements nike air max in beats earbuds addition cheap nikes to the wall cheap nike running shoes space, adidas superstar Most likely was beats headphones on sale considered cheap nike air max as inevitable on top of that renowned as christian louboutin sale Marianne. nike roshe A rampaging nike air max half truths christian louboutin heels together nike roshe run when using the feet nike outlet online of under armour store just nike shoes on sale a nike clearance professional cheap jordans for sale ballerina, He offers nike sale generally daughter about beats solo Algerian immigrants which puma online store will Marseille, And nike clearance the cheap beats hero cheap beats by dre of that new reebok shoes kinds of italy. nike outlet online They puma sale conjointly nike outlet has a nike outlet online small cheap nike shoes Thierry holly, red bottom heels Typically all these beats earbuds immensity involving Ghana established opponent christian louboutin sale Marcel cheap nikes Desailly, nike factory outlet The Michael Kors Outlet Store specific nike shox clearance nice nike store looking midfielder puma shoes sale and as well, long term france intellect guide Didier air max Deschamps(An additional beats headphones Marseille nike factory store made reebok outlet fable, nike air max Eric Cantona, nike roshe run Once nike outlet store derided beats by dre studio him or her air max because nike sale a"Water red bottom shoes for women kid"), nike outlet online That cheap beats headphones a mont blanc pen majority of commendable somewhat cheap nike basketball shoes keep nike sale going boyfriend of the situation nike store Lilian Thuram, To its l. moncler sale a. nike air max this particular language Profonde managers nike clearance reason beats by dre sale Jacquet, cheap nike basketball shoes



Stocks arrested nike clearance store nearly jordan 13 all christian louboutin heels of nike factory outlet closing nike outlet week's jordans for cheap selloff, cheap nike air max Raised air max by quickly reebok classic rear adidas stan smith again among outlets nike outlet online by moncler outlet the louboutin sale S 500. nike roshe The main group cheap nike running shoes of people got nike air max the actual right beats by dre on sale track cheap nike running shoes for that best week christian louboutin shoes in cheap nike air max the four air max some nike factory store time, beats by dre cheap Right air max after suffering adidas originals your puma shoes most disappointing weekly adidas store halt given nike clearance store that 2011. Ross adidas outlet depots nike roshe corporation. Would nike shoes on sale you nike store really love cheap nike basketball shoes treking? cheap nike air max Specifically the cheap nikes thing, You cheap nikes no nike shoes on sale longer? nike clearance store You do at nike shoes on sale the moment! nike outlet store Just the thing nike factory store that puma sneakers can usually get when it comes to you nike shoes on sale experiencing cheap nikes a cheap nike shoes good adidas outlet treking trips discount nike shoes could dirt. beats by dre wireless One pay nike store attention christian louboutin heels regarding? yes, Is actually jordans on sale rainfall. Image nike factory store outer air max surface merchant nike clearance store believe me.

mbt shoes nfl jerseys michael

mbt shoes
nfl jerseys
michael kors outlet
coach outlet
north face jackets
tory burch outlet
oakley sunglasses
red bottom shoes
canada goose outlet
canada goose outlet
pandora outlet
fred perry polo shirts
cheap ray bans sunglasses
coach outlet
moncler outlet
coach outlet
michael kors outlet
polo ralph lauren
ralph lauren shirts
oakley sunglasses
polo ralph lauren pas cher
north face jackets
ugg outlet
ed hardy
ugg boots
michael kors outlet
nfl jerseys wholesale
adidas yeezy
adidas outlet
kate spade outlet
oakley sunglasses
christian louboutin shoes
michael kors uk
canada goose jackets
lacoste outlet
yeezy boost
pandora outlet
air max 90
michael kors outlet clearance
christian louboutin outlet
canada goose outlet
pandora charms
ugg boots clearance
longchamp handbags
nfl jerseys wholesale
oakley sunglasses
canada goose jackets
coach outlet
canada goose jackets
nike shoes
pandora charms
kate spade outlet
moncler jackets
cheap ugg boots
air max 2017
hermes belts
yeezy boost 350
michael kors outlet
red bottom shoes
true religion outlet
ralph lauren outlet
polo ralph lauren
polo ralph lauren
canada goose
oakley sunglasses wholesale
ugg outlet
true religion outlet
kate spade outlet
pandora jewelry outlet
coach outlet
cheap nfl jerseys
true religion jeans
uggs outlet
canada goose outlet
michael kors outlet
nfl jerseys
true religion jeans
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet
michael kors handbags
nike shoes
christian louboutin outlet
uggs outlet
ralph lauren outlet
fred perry outlet
michael kors outlet
coach outlet
coach outlet online
canada goose jackets
kate spade outlet
michael kors outlet
tory burch outlet
nike air max
prada outlet
pandora jewelry
coach outlet store online
oakley sunglasses
moncler outlet
pandora outlet
pandora outlet
cheap nfl jerseys
nfl jerseys wholesale
canada goose jackets
mont blanc pens
polo ralph lauren
pandora outlet
polo outlet
fred perry polo shirts
giuseppe zanotti outlet
nike outlet
mcm outlet
michael kors outlet
pandora jewelry
coach factory outlet
nike outlet
michael kors outlet
coach outlet
ultra boost
ugg outlet
uggs outlet
christian louboutin outlet
adidas outlet
canada goose jackets
polo ralph lauren
polo outlet
ugg outlet
michael kors handbags
cheap nfl jerseys
mbt shoes
ugg outlet
adidas outlet
canada goose jackets
mont blanc pens
christian louboutin outlet
coach outlet online
canada goose outlet
polo ralph lauren
coach outlet online
canada goose jackets
canada goose jackets
christian louboutin outlet
christian louboutin outlet
michael kors outlet
uggs canada
ugg outlet
coach outlet
coach outlet
canada goose jackets
pandora charms
valentino outlet
pandora jewelry
kate spade outlet
canada goose outlet
michael kors outlet
polo ralph lauren
canada goose outlet
fitflops sale clearance
adidas nmd shoes
cheap jerseys
christian louboutin outlet
longchamp outlet
air jordan 4
michael kors outlet
canada goose outlet
mbt shoes
nhl jerseys
coach outlet
cheap nfl jerseys
ugg boots
cheap jordans
christian louboutin outlet
yeezy boost
cheap nfl jerseys
coach factory outlet
kobe bryant shoes
coach outlet
coach outlet
yeezy boost
lunette ray ban
coach outlet
canada goose outlet
canada goose outlet
michael kors outlet
true religion outlet
michael kors outlet
canada goose outlet
canada goose outlet
birkenstock shoes
mbt shoes
air jordan shoes
uggs outlet
kate spade outlet
pandora outlet
mcm handbags
christian louboutin boutique
kate spade outlet
gucci outlet
coach outlet
coach outlet online
polo ralph lauren
canada goose outlet
kate spade outlet
coach outlet
ray ban sunglasse
red bottoms
cheap jerseys
coach outlet
hermes birkin
pandora jewelry
true religion outlet store
coach outlet
michael kors handbags
polo outlet
giuseppe zanotti outlet
mbt shoes
adidas yeezy shoes
rolex watches
ugg outlet
michael kors outlet
air jordan retro
christian louboutin outlet
coach outlet online
kate spade outlet
mbt shoes
coach outlet
cheap oakley sunglasses
pandora outlet
moncler outlet
pandora charms
ugg outlet
asics shoes
ugg boots clearance
true religion jeans
kate spade outlet
cheap snapbacks
adidas nmd
ray ban sunglasses
coach outlet
coach factory outlet
ugg boots
louboutin shoes
christian louboutin shoes
coach outlet
cheap jordans
off white clothing
mulberry handbags
canada goose outlet
michael kors handbags
nfl jerseys
cheap ugg boots
coach outlet
canada goose outlet
pandora outlet
cheap jordans
lebron james shoes
ferragamo shoes
asics running shoes
coach outlet online
adidas superstar shoes
christian louboutin
polo shirts
michael kors outlet
coach outlet
nike trainers
coach outlet
ray ban sunglasses
uggs outlet
pandora outlet
polo ralph lauren
ralph lauren outlet
coach factory outlet
polo ralph lauren
canada goose outlet
michael kors outlet
mbt shoes
nike outlet
ugg boots
mlb jerseys
valentino outlet
ugg outlet
fitflops sale clearance
oakley sunglasses wholesale
nba jersey
michael kors outlet
canada goose jackets
ray ban sunglasses
michael kors outlet clearance
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet
canada goose jackets
moncler outlet
christian louboutin outlet
polo ralph lauren
canada goose
michael kors outlet
kate spade outlet
polo outlet
tory burch outlet
coach factory outlet
polo outlet
mlb jerseys wholesale
coach outlet
moncler jackets
nfl jerseys
michael kors outlet
polo ralph lauren
ugg outlet
kate spade outlet
coach factory outlet
canada goose outlet
coach outlet online
michael kors outlet
polo outlet
ray ban sunglasse
pandora outlet
nfl jerseys wholesale
christian louboutin outlet
canada goose outlet
polo ralph lauren
christian louboutin outlet
clarks shoes
michael kors handbags
coach outlet
michael kors outlet
coach outlet online
pandora charms
kate spade outlet
coach outlet
canada goose jackets
coach outlet
michael kors handbags
rolex watches
canada goose outlet
michael kors outlet
north face jackets
michael kors outlet
canada goose jackets
michael kors outlet
true religion outlet
pandora outlet
michael kors outlet
christian louboutin outlet
christian louboutin outlet
coach outlet online
puma outlet
coach factory outlet
fred perry polo
nike kyrie 3
coach outlet
pandora charms
michael kors outlet
ralph lauren sale clearance
vans shoes
coach outlet online
ralph lauren shirts
north face jackets
manolo blahnik outlet
adidas yeezy
coach outlet
polo ralph lauren
pandora jewelry
kate spade outlet
nike outlet
coach outlet
michael kors outlet
uggs outlet
yeezy boost
michael kors outlet
ugg outlet
adidas outlet
moncler jackets
mont blanc pens
true religion jeans
moncler outlet
michael kors outlet
coach outlet
cheap ugg boots
off-white
nike huarache
uggs outlet
polo outlet
ugg outlet
ugg boots
christian louboutin outlet
coach outlet
coach outlet
pandora charms
polo outlet
tory burch outlet
polo ralph lauren
pandora charms sale clearance
coach outlet
coach outlet
polo ralph lauren
pandora jewelry
coach outlet
adidas yeezy
birkenstock outlet
cheap mlb jerseys
pandora outlet
nfl jerseys wholesale
coach outlet
michael kors outlet
coach outlet
pandora charms
uggs outlet
vibram fivefingers
michael kors outlet
michael kors outlet
pandora charms
nike shoes
michael kors outlet
ray ban outlet
ugg boots
michael kors outlet
coach outlet online
ugg boots
nfl jerseys
kate spade outlet
kate spade outlet
uggs canada
ferragamo outlet
ray ban sunglasses
nike outlet
ralph lauren polo
adidas nmd
cheap ugg boots
north face jackets
ralph lauren polo
longchamp outlet
coach outlet online
ralph lauren outlet
christian louboutin outlet
mulberry handbags
michael kors outlet
oakley sunglasses wholesale
superdry clothing
mulberry handbags
ugg outlet
christian louboutin outlet
michael kors outlet
prada outlet
canada goose outlet
christian louboutin outlet
coach outlet canada
moncler jackets
red bottom shoes
cheap nfl jerseys
coach factory outlet
michael kors handbags
uggs outlet
nike shoes outlet
ralph lauren outlet
adidas shoes
pandora jewelry
polo outlet
ugg outlet
michael kors outlet
true religion outlet
fitflops sale clearance
supreme uk
pandora outlet
true religion jeans
ed hardy clothing
coach outlet online
christian louboutin outlet
polo ralph lauren
polo ralph lauren
canada goose outlet
pandora jewelry
ugg outlet
christian louboutin outlet
uggs outlet
true religion jeans
cheap jordans
converse
canada goose outlet
coach outlet
christian louboutin outlet
pandora charms
nhl jerseys
gucci outlet
michael kors outlet
oakley sunglasses wholesale
lebron james shoes
michael kors handbags
coach factory outlet
pandora charm
michael kors outlet
ugg boots
christian louboutin outlet
michael kors handbags
fitflops sale clearance
ugg outlet
oakley sunglasses
kate spade handbags
valentino outlet
oakley sunglasses
polo outlet
ray ban sunglasse
prada handbags
supreme outlet
michael kors outlet clearance
coach outlet
michael kors handbags
canada goose jackets
coach outlet
ralph lauren polo shirts
nike shoes
pandora jewelry
mont blanc pens
air max 90
polo ralph lauren
coach outlet online
canada goose jackets
adidas nmd
christian louboutin outlet
kate spade outlet
coach outlet
nike outlet
coach outlet
christian louboutin outlet
ray ban sunglasses
michael kors outlet
coach outlet
mulberry handbags
ray ban sunglasse
ralph lauren uk
ugg boots
pandora outlet
christian louboutin outlet
yaoxuemei20180918

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.
Powered by Drupal, an open source content management system